Leaving
by Questic
Summary: It's Kyoya's last day at Ouran Academy, and big changes are coming due to his actions. Events concurrent with Stay and Stayed. Will contain an epilogue for all three.
1. Chapter 1 - Paved With Good Intentions

Kyoya leaned against a wall, thinking about what he had to do on his last day at Ouran Academy. Tamaki was his best friend, and it pained him that he would have to walk away from him. He loved him dearly, but had rationalized his next actions by believing that their relationship wasn't healthy for either of them. He hurt when Tamaki hurt, and visa versa. Their codependency was too much, and neither of them could have a full experience of life if they always were with each other, at least that's what he had convinced himself the reason was.

Footsteps were fast approaching, pulling him from his thoughts momentarily. Haruhi was rushing towards the school at a feverish pace. Something had her in a hurry, and he could guess what that reason was.

"Hey," he called, hoping she would hear him, "do you have a minute?"

She stopped and looked around. In her haste she hadn't even noticed that she had gone past him. There was a frazzled look in her eyes. _He_ was waiting, and she didn't want to be late.

"Sure," she replied, "but only a minute. I've got to find Tamaki."

Just hearing his name hurt. He was going to be crushed, but it was for a good reason. _It's for the best, right?_

"Good. He was suppose to meet me, and I really need to talk to him alone. He said he would be here, could you remind him that we are suppose to meet?"

She looked concerned, but nodded. "Yeah, I could do that."

"Thanks," he said, returning to his thoughts.

He was shrouded in the shadow that the school cast over the grounds. The wind blew, sending a shiver down his spine. Something about the whole day seemed off. There was an eerie vibe in the air. Electricity seemed to be arching from the trees to his body causing his skin to vibrate. All he could do was stand rooted to the spot, fearing that even the slightest movement might cause the world to come to a catastrophic end.

 _I have to do this. We are going to go our separate ways eventually anyways, and we wont be seeing as much of each other now that we're going to be attending different universities. It's for the best, it has to be._

Kyoya began to think about all the adventures that him and Tamaki had been on through the years. It had all started because it would be a mutually beneficial friendship to each family, but had become so much more. He loved him dearly the way he love his very own family, possibly more if that was at all possible. They had a bond that he would always cherish, and it was going to pain him to walk away. Tamaki needed a better friend, someone who could care for him in all the ways he needed, and he had found that in Haruhi. She would take care of him.

Tamaki was one of the best people he had ever had the chance to met, and he had become a better person for it. It seemed like everyone was a better person because of Tamaki. Part of his charm was being able to make people feel good when they were at their lowest. Actually, that was most of his charm. The other part was his ability to be a smooth talker and always say exactly what the people around him wanted to hear the most. His way with words was a true gift.

It had been Tamaki's boredom that had created his most memorable times at Ouran. He had suggested that they create the club together. While he thought that it would be a mundane activity, it had brought a joy to his friends eyes. Begrudgingly, he had a agreed, and had could not have been happier about it.

He knew that he would have met all of the people from the Club in passing at some point. Their families would have come together, and they would have been forced to make small talk with each other. It wouldn't be anything more than a superficial conversation for their families sake, then nothing more. They would see each other in passing, and might say "hello," then move their separate ways. That was just the way wealthy families tended to be with one another. There was no need for it to be more than for business.

Tamaki was different. He didn't want those fake relationships with no meaning behind it. His desire was to find people that he could help and get along with well. Family connections didn't mean as much to him as personal connections did. Somehow, he had managed to find people who didn't even know they needed him in their lives, and was able to change them for the better. He truly admired him for it.

Time was slowing down as he rehearsed what he wanted to say in his head. " _Tamaki, I am so sorry, but I think it might be better if we go our separate ways now. I don't want to see our friendship fade out later._ "

No, that was no good at all. " _Tamaki, you know I want to be here for you, but you should lean more on Haruhi. She is the one you should go to when you have any issues."_

That still didn't feel right. Maybe he should go with something else. _Tamaki, I think we might be too close, and we rely on each other too much. We cant do this to each other anymore._

 _"It's not fair to Haruhi, or us, if we keep this relationship up. I feel like we might be standing in the way of you two becoming more, and I need to step away."_

 _"When you spend time with Haruhi, I get..."_

No, none of that was right. He would just have to try and come up with something on the spot. It couldn't be that hard to explain to his best friend why they needed to part ways. But in all honesty, was his reasoning sound?

Deep down, Kyoya knew that him and Tamaki needed to step away from each other. "We are growing older" he said out loud. "Nothing could stay the same forever. Friends drift apart anyways. It would be better to get it over with now."

But was that the actual reason? Was there more to the emotions he felt? He knew that when the three of them were out together, he would get mildly jealous. There would be times that he would glance at them, lovingly together, and feel a burning and longing in him. He wanted to feel that way with someone, and it hurt to see them happy.

 _I can't say that, now can I? What would I do? "Tamaki, I can't stand seeing you in love and me not having it. I need space and time to think. And to be honest, I just don't think I can do this anymore."_

It all seemed ridiculous to him. He knew that he needed the space, and Tamaki would accept it. That was just the way he was. Even if it hurt, he would put his feelings aside to make sure Kyoya had what he needed. It would end up hurting him more than Tamaki anyways. He cared for him so much more than he could explain. He saw his friend like he was family, and he would die for family, but he need this.

Kyoya's mind began to wonder to thoughts that were a little happier. Mentally, he walked down the halls of the school, enjoying the view and worrying less about the finances of the club. It was actually what he had done earlier in the day. He had been able to hone his business prowess within the walls and show his father just what he was capable of doing. But just this once, he looked at his surroundings without internally running numbers. The establishment was astounding with it's stunning features and intricate architecture. It was truly awe inspiring.

He could see his friends, laughing as they created new events for their female guests to enjoy. Tamaki always believed that the more lavish and extravagant the event, the happier everyone would be. Kyoya would just see the cost of it all, and how much the Host's would have to make to be able to afford the events. It was a good thing that so many woman wanted Tamaki's attention, otherwise they would never make the money they needed.

There was voices in the distance, coming closer. Laughter and joy floated in the unnatural static of the air. It was a sound that would never leave these grounds for most, yet here he stood, about to ruin that for someone. It was about to be his duty to take the smile off of one of the best people in the world. _It's for the best. You need to do this for you._

Every justification he came up with was weaker and weaker. It was coming to the point that he didn't even remember the real reason he was about to do this. The only thing he knew for sure was that he hurt emotionally, and knew that Tamaki was part of it. It had been happening for awhile, and if he didn't find his happy again, he didn't know what he would do.

He heard the light motion of Tamaki's clothing rubbing together as he moved. _Why is that a noise I recognize? Do friends typically know how their other friends clothes sound when they move? They must, or at least those that have spent as much time together as they had, right?_

Kyoya had been so involved in whether or not close friends knew little quirks of their friends that he didn't hear Haruhi and Tamaki stop. If he had, he probably would have run. He was having second thoughts, then third thoughts about doing this, but he knew he couldn't. Now that he was here, he had to stick to it. Resolve, he had to be resolved, and he couldn't go back on it once it was done. That wouldn't be fair to either of them.

"Hey buddy!" Tamaki said across the space between us, hopeful and lightheartedly. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Tamaki," he began, his voice sounding cold to even to him. He couldn't bring himself to look into his friend's eyes, or even in his general direction. Instead, he looked over Tamaki's shoulder at the building behind him. _Resolve._ "This friendship is something I cannot carry on." _Liar, this isn't what you had planned! What are you saying!_ "You drain me and I wont put up with it anymore." _What the hell Kyoya! Stop!_ "All these years, it is just too much." _This is not the tactic that we went over! "_ This is the last time I will be talking to you."

He watched Tamaki laugh, feeling a knife rip through him. Apparently, after all his careful thinking, his mind decided to hurt his friend instead. He supposed that was actually a good way to go about this. If his friend hated him for the things he said, then maybe, just maybe, it would be easier for him to be okay with Kyoya leaving.

Tears formed in his friends eyes, crushing his soul a little. _Resolve, Kyoya, resolve._ "Kyoya, you can't be serious, right?"

He said nothing, knowing that if he opened his mouth it would be a cry of pain. Instead, he tried to keep his eyes blank so that Tamaki would believe the words he was saying. _Hate me Tamaki. Hate me as much as I hate myself right now._

"Please, don't do this to me!" Tamaki cried, the pain in his voice so evident. He sounded thoroughly broken "I need you in my life. You've been my one constant. You've been there for me at my lowest. You cant leave me now, you just can't."

He turned away, not saying a word. All he wanted to do was comfort his friend. His feet began to move his reluctant body away from the mess he created. The sound of Tamaki's voice saying "please" was breaking him to bits. _It's been done. It will hurt more now if you turn back. Resolve._ He did, however, force his feet to stop long enough to put his head down, eyes closed trying not to picture the scene he was walking from, and softly say, "I'm sorry."


	2. Chapter 2 - Walking in Silence

Thank you everyone for all of the kind reviews that you have been leaving. It is much appreciated.

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 _One foot in front of the other, Kyoya. Just keep walking. Don t stop. Don't look back. Get yourself away from here._

In his head it sounded so much easier than it was. His legs were suddenly made of rubber with no bones to support his weight, while his feet were lead blocks that were too heavy for his feeble structure to carry. He just wanted to collapse right where he was, knowing it would be so much easier than fighting to go on any further.

 _Stop with that! You have to get away from here. You were resolved in this. Keep walking. This was you choice and you deserve whatever pain you are in now. If you don't keep moving, it will only hurt Tamaki more in the long run. Go._

He was trying so hard to keep his body moving. The gates were only a little further away. If he could just get beyond it, maybe then he could stop hearing Tamaki's cries. It was one of the worst sounds that he could have imagined. His body shook knowing that he was the cause of his friend being in agony,but he just had to keep himself together a little longer.

It didn't feel like he was moving though. His muscles were betraying him, seizing up on him making even breathing hard. Nothing was working right. His lungs weren't taking in any air, making him light headed. His heart wasn't pumping blood to his extremities anymore. Everything felt cold despite the warm air.

Finally his feet had managed to drag his body beyond the gate of the grounds, where he collapse against the stone. He was sweating profusely from the effort it had taken to get him just this far. His stomach rolled and he thought he was going to be sick right there. All he could hear was the sound of the person he cared about crying out in pain. He thought the distance he had put between them would be enough to be out of earshot, but he was wrong. It noise was following him like the shadow of his past that it was.

He stuck his head between his knees, breathing deeply hoping the nausea he was feeling would fade. The dizziness began to ease as oxygen began to return properly to his body. Nothing seemed to be helping the the noise though. It just kept getting louder and louder. He wrapped his hands over his ears wanting to block it out, but it wasn't helping at all. The sound was now deep within his brain, engraved there for all time.

Kyoya had said that his reason for leaving was for himself, but that was a lie, at least he thought it was. It wasn't quite a lie that Tamaki drained him, but it wasn't always for the worst. He actually enjoyed the issues that Tamaki had, and loved being there for him, but a part of him knew that it couldn't continue that way anymore. It was not his place to be Tamaki's rock, not know that they were leaving.

Hot tears ran down his cheeks as he sat alone. _It was for him. You couldn't be what he needed. You needed him to find his happiness with Haruhi and not with you. All you would have done is hold him back from the happiness he could honestly be feeling. And that happiness, you would never be the one that could give it to him._

The feelings he had were something he couldn't explain, not with how complex they were. It was nothing that he had ever been through before. A thousand feelings where going through his head, but none made sense, not at least when they were strung together. He just knew that Tamaki needed Haruhi, not him. It was too painful for him to be a part of his life anymore. If he didn't leave now, he would have hurt Tamaki in other ways, or potentially himself.

There were times where Tamaki would confide all of his deepest emotions to him, and not to his girlfriend. It couldn't be healthy that their relationship was like that. Their friendship was so deep, and special. No one could understand it fully, but he knew that something had to change. This part of what they did together was hidden from the world, like it was their secret. It _was_ their secret, and that was okay, for then.

 _Now I don't want any secrets anymore. I will be completely out in the world with just my family. I would be spending more time around others business associates and not with my friends. He can't rely on me being the one to pick him up and be his emotional pillar. I am going to be too busy to even be my own emotional support. Anyways, in the business world it's better to just not have emotions that could get in the way._

 _Yeah, that's the reason. I'll be too busy to be there for him, and by not being there for him, he needs someone that can be there. If he starts relying on Haruhi now, then it will be easier for when he really needs someone. And he should be already._

He wished that he had been able to tell Tamaki that when he had the chance. It wasn't like he could go back now and tell him all this now though. The damage was already done and to go back would only make it harder to walk away again and negate the fact that he had to rely on the woman that he loved. At this point, it would just be better to let his friend come up with his own reasoning as to why he had said those things.

 _Let him hate me if that's what makes it easier for him. He will never hate me as much as I hate myself for this. I ruined the best friendship that I could have, and probably will ever have, so that Tamaki could be happy and learn how to rely on people that can be there for him . That's all I will ever want though; Tamaki's happiness._

The air was stagnant and heavy in his lungs. He couldn't stay here, and he could never come back. Ouran would always hold the memory of what he had to walk away from. It would always be the place that required him to hurt his heart in order to make sure his friend was happy. There was no reason that he would ever have the right to come back to such a happy establishment when he had been a cause of so much agony for anyone, ever.

 _But it was all for the right reasons. As long as others were happy, it didn't matter if hurt him. And yes, Tamaki may hurt now, but he wouldn't hurt in the long run. I may end up hurting for a while, but it was better._

 _How the hell did Tamaki always do this to himself and come out smiling? Was this what it meant to be completely selfless? It felt terrible. There was no way this was worth doing for multiple people. It it hadn't been my friend, I would never have done this. No wonder people tended to only do things if it helped them._

He stood slowly, shaking his head and attempting to regain his balance. His legs still didn't feel like they could support his weight, but he had to try. After a deep breath he began walking again. At any point he could call for a ride from one of the cars his family had, but he wanted to clear his head a bit more. Each step came with a tear falling from his eye. All he wanted was to run back to his friend and apologize. Maybe he would understand everything and be okay with it.

 _Resolve! You have to walk away and never look back! This is what you chose to do. You can't turn back now._

Kyoya knew that this is what he had to do, but knowing what you have to do and actually carrying through with it was different. He was strong enough for this though. If he set his mind to it, he would be able to stick to this. He had accomplished so much, this was just another challenge. _Life is filled with challenges,and this will be the hardest one. If I can do this, I'll make it through anything._

From here on out, he could be completely selfish, and it wouldn't hurt anyone that he cared about. He wouldn't have to care about anyone if he didn't want to. His focus could be exclusively on furthering his career. Everything he did from here on out could really be for his own gain. There was no one he could hurt anymore.

Kyoya pulled his phone out and dialed a number quickly. There was a pause before he said, "Yes, I'm ready to leave this place behind for good."


	3. Chapter 3 - No Dreams If You Don't Sleep

Two months had passed since Kyoya had left Ouran for the last time. Everything that he had said on that day still played on a loop in his mind whenever he closed his eyes. At times when he was sleeping, he could see Tamaki's crushed face so clearly. He could wake up in tears most nights, regretting what he had done. Every time he would reach for his phone, not caring what time it was, to text Tamaki. The message would be typed, and every time he would put his phone down and cry harder than the night before.

In those two months he hadn't managed to have a single good night of rest. Each time he would put his head down onto his pillow, he would start thinking about what should have been happening since school had ended. They could have been traveling together, laughing while picturing elaborate scenarios about the future. Or maybe they could have just been relaxing at a resort, not having to please anyone except for themselves. His mind would create the images of an alternate reality where he was still happy.

When his mind would finally allow itself to be enticed to sweet slumber, it would bring nothing but dreams of his once friend, most of which were confusing. The entirety of the Host Club would all be there, smiling at the guests and each other. Most nights they were in theme attire for one of the many themes they had enjoyed. It was in his dreams that he realized how frequently they had made sure that woman were able to see their chests and as much skin as they could. He would look over at Tamaki amidst his numerous admirers, gleaming in whatever light there was, who would look over at him and flash a half smile, inevitably making him smile as well. That's where he would wake up, a sad smile on his lips and tears in his eyes.

The waking hours weren't any better. His mind would race with what he had said and what he could have done different, like never opening his mouth and walking away. He spent his days trying to occupy his mind with any activity that he could just to distract himself for reality. Some days he would read, or travel on his own, but he would always think about Tamaki. It was made worse by the fact that he knew that he had brought all of this misery on himself.

This particular morning, he couldn't have been asleep for more than two hours before waking with his heart aching, again. It was the average amount that he had now been getting anyways, but he still wasn't a fan of being awake early. The inability to sleep in was his own version of hell. Tears where in his eyes as he laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He had been dreaming of the promises he had made to his friend, and the adventures the should have been having, all of which were now were shattered lies.

Kyoya remembered the promise he had made that they would go to France and try to find Tamaki's mother together. They had said that they would do it after they finished school, but it now it wasn't going to happen. Or how they wanted to go to Venice again together, just because they could. There weren't many places that they couldn't go if they had wanted to, but it was more fun when they could go together on adventures together. He couldn't help but wonder if Tamaki was thinking about it too.

He rolled to face his clock next to him. _Three, it's only three. Maybe I should just get up. It's not like I'm going to be able to fall back asleep anyways._

Normally when he couldn't sleep he would text one of his friends to keep him company. Tamaki was always willing to lose sleep so that he could sleep easier. They would talk until his mind was at ease and drift off, leaving his friend alone for the next few hours. There was never once that Tamaki had woken him up to relax his mind, and Kyoya wondered if there were ever times he had needed to talk too. He never said thank you for all those hours that he had kept his friend awake, and he would never get the chance now. _I was selfish. He would do all those things for me, and I never returned the favor._

Kyoya yawned widely and swung himself up and out of bed, fumbling for his glasses. The room was pitch black, save the sliver of moonlight worming its way through the crack in his curtains. He walked to the large window and gazed out, seeing the lunar light reflecting off of the ocean in the distance. Of all the getaways his family had, the beach house was one of his favorites. There was something calming about being able to hear the waves crash onto the sand softly. _Too bad it's not enough to lull me back to sleep._

Slowly, he made his way through the darkened halls, aimlessly wandering. So many nights had been spent with his slender figure haunting the hallways. They had become so familiar to him after many a sleepless night. He had learned every inch of carpet, knowing where there were slight imperfections in the floors. His feet always seemed to take him to the same place. The doors would be in front of him, and he would head outside thinking that it might clear his head some. It wouldn't, it never did, but he hoped that each night might provide some much needed relief.

He made his way to the beach on a path that he had created himself with the amount of times that he had walked it. His feet would get covered in sand, shaking off with each step he took. At first the feel of the grains of sand irritated the skin on he feet, but now he felt that it was something that he deserved. It was all just part of his punishment for being such a foolish asshole when it came to his emotions.

The ocean sprawled out in front of him, vanishing into the abyss where the moon's light could no longer reach it. He walked to the shoreline, toes in the cool water, sinking into the ground. The night was calm and quiet, until he started screaming at the ocean to no one in particular. "WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET ME SLEEP! WHY DO I KEEP DREAMING ABOUT YOU! CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR ONE NIGHT!"

Kyoya staggered backwards, angry tears streaming down his cheeks, before collapsing onto the ground with a thud and stared out at the vast expanse before him. With the amount of time he had spent before the water in the last few weeks, he had gained a new appreciation for the beauty of everything around him in his attempt to distract himself. He was seeing that the sun and moon's light did more than reflect off of the water; it danced in every direction across the top like it was having a graceful waltz with the night sky. Every wave that broke against the shore rippled softly against the silky sand before completely withdrawing, leaving nothing more than a soaked strip of land and a memory. With each ebb and flow he could feel his emotions matching it. The loss deep within his heart he felt was being replaced with hollow loneliness.

He began to think about what had happened the previous day. His father and Yuzuru Suoh had come to the house a few days back to join his father for "business" purposes. While some of the conversation was about finance, most of it was just a reason to have a mini vacation. In those days, he had deliberately been avoiding them just so that he wouldn't have to see the reminded of his final encounter with his friend that was still raw. Conversation was actually something he had been avoiding since he had finished school. None of his family had planned to come to the beach house that he had known of, not until they had come. Avoidance had worked for a few days, until the previous morning when they both caught up with him.

 _"Kyoya! Where have you been hiding?" Yuzuru asked, clapping him on the back._

 _"Yes, son, where have you been?" his father piped in, mild disapproval in his voice. He was not the type to take any rudeness lightly, which was what he probably assumed that his son was trying to be._

 _His brain was processing their words slowly due to the utter lack of sleep he had been getting, delaying his answer by some time. "Oh," he finally manager, trying to create a semi-truthful lie quickly, "I've been just trying to relax at the beach and stay out of everyone's way."_ There, _he though,_ that's not a lie. I have wanted to leave them alone.

 _Yuzuru seemed satisfied with this response, though his father hadn't. There was a look of concern mixed with ire that he almost wasn't capable of describing._

 _They began to walk away when Yuzuru turned back and asked, "By the way, have you talked to my son recently? I haven't really been home and the last time I had the chance to, he seemed a little upset."_

 _"No," he said, a sharp sadness in his words that he hoped they had not noticed._

 _"Well, make sure you give him a call. Hearing from you will probably help to cheer him up."_

 _He nodded and gave a fake smile before walking away._

"Dammit!" he shouted, knowing that no one would hear him on the abandoned beach. "Why did he have to ask something that I can't even remotely do! How am I suppose to explain that I'M the reason his son sounds off?"

He dug his fist into the ground next to him, indenting the soft sand around him. His brain was fuzzy with his extreme exhaustion. The water rushing back and forth was sending him into a trance like state. Images of happier times played in his head. He could see he Host Club clearly, happy and laughing near this very spot. In the middle of it all was his friend running down the beach, the sun shining off of his skin.

 _Ex-friend_. _He is your ex-friend. You chose that. And why is this how you remember him?_

Kyoya looked out over the ocean, trying to rationalize why his memories included the exact way that Tamaki appeared in the light of that day. He felt a bit strange that his mind would remember something like that from more than a year ago.

 _It's because of what a great day it had been. Of course every part of the day was ingrained into your mind._

But even as he came up with the excuse, his mind began to argue back.

 _If that's true, then what was everyone wearing?_

 _How am I suppose to remember that? Everyone was in bathing suits and Haruhi was completely covered because we had guests to entertain. It was her way of keeping her anonymity._

 _Okay, then what was Tamaki wearing?_

 _His orange swimming trunks._

"Why do I remember that fact in particular?" he questioned aloud.

He sat and thought on the single question for almost an hour. It became the only thing that ruled his mind. His sole mission was to find the answer to this. He knew, deep down, that this answer would explain all of his actions. All the excuses that he had made to Tamaki, none of them made sense anymore. They continuously changed, even in his head now as he thought about them. There was a concrete reason, he could just feel it.

 _No,_ he thought as the true nature of his emotions became clear to him. _He was your best friend. Of course you would care for him deeply._ But even as he thought it, he knew it was just another excuse as he lied to himself. In his life, he had cared about very few people the way he cared for Tamaki, and all those were woman.

The sun began to rise, casting shades of purple and orange against the distant sky. A new day was dawning as the reasoning to his behavior made itself clearer to him. It made complete sense when he looked back at it, he just never wanted to admit it, nor would he, out loud. His feelings towards Tamaki would always stay to himself. He knew that Tamaki would always be an exception to his normal emotions.

With his eyes shut, he hoisted himself to his feet. The truth wasn't going to help him sleep. If anything it was going to make sleeping harder, but at least he understood it and could try to come to terms with it.

 _Guess I'll be dreaming about him a little longer..._


	4. Chapter 4 - Grasping at Thin Air

15 years later...

Kyoya sat alone in his spacious office, leaning back with his hands behind his head. It wasn't often that he had this level of free time on his hands. His financial company had become wildly successful over the years, earning his father's respect finally, not that he had any real desire for it. The dream that he had was to have his own success that had nothing to do with his father or his brothers, which he had managed years earlier. After he was able to buy one of his father's holdings without him noticing, he went and bought all the rest. While he would never be a doctor like his brothers, he did sign their paychecks.

Stress over the years had caused him to age prematurely, leaving his face wrinkled and hair streaked with gray. His eyes were constantly tired looking as though sleep was a rarity for him. Even though he had left Ouran so many years before and he had come to terms with his emotions he had felt that day, he still wasn't sleeping much. None of this had made him look any less handsome, but it gave the impression of years of pain, which wasn't completely untrue.

He wondered what the entirety of the Host club had been up to. In his head, he thought that cutting them all out would help him move on. It would have just been too hard on him emotionally to talk to the people that would always remind him of Tamaki. Whether or not this was true was something he would never find out. There would never be an opportunity to go back and talk to some of his friends and not the others. All he could do was hope that he had made the right choice to just end his friendships with all of them. Time and time again he would be tempted to reach out, but he would stop himself. It was all about his resolve.

Though he didn't talk to any of them, he did still keep an eye on what each of them had been doing. While it might seem odd and stalkerish to some, Kyoya didn't have to go out of his way to see what they had been up to though. Each of his former friends had made a name for themselves, so all he had to do was check the newspapers.

The Hitachiin twins had helped their mother with her fashion company. While they didn't design much themselves, but they did help dress the models to display he outfits for. They had an eye for what options would be the most flattering on the woman that they helped dress. Occasionally there were even photos of the twins themselves dressed in their mother's best. Their ads typically showed them in mirror image of each other, handsome as ever. Age had not effected their good looks at all, not that he thought it would for them. It helped that they still had the devilish look in their eyes that screamed that they were up to no good.

Mitsukuni was head of his family, but still looked boyishly handsome. He didn't look threatening still, but more people knew what he was capable of and gave him the respect that he always deserved. It looked ridiculous when Takashi, his cousin/bodyguard now, was only a bit taller than him. Kyoya had heard that they both had children now, though he wasn't sure how true that was. All he knew was that they looked happy, which was all he could wish for them.

Tamaki was all over the news. His father was still involved with Ouran, and it looked like Tamaki was involved with his own financial backings. Him and Haruhi were involved in business together. They had been making some extremely well thought out investments, and were in a position to continue financially backing individual projects that they believed were worth their time. He had even heard that Haruhi made sure she had her own scholarship program in place for gifted students to be able to attend Ouran if they had the grades for it.

Kyoya was attempting to find his own happiness that wasn't about money. He had entered a few romantic relationships that only lasted a short while. None of them had made him truly happy the way he thought he should be. Instead of being only mildly content, he decided to just focus on his work. At least work kept his mind occupied.

Despite being years later, his mind needed that occupation periodically to keep the thoughts of Tamaki out of his mind. It hurt when he was those pictures of him, smiling his same smile. His features had hardened a little, making him look more like a man than a young boy. It made his heartbreaking looks that much stronger. There had been photos of him, his father and his young son all together in an article about the three generations of Suoh. He had read it a few times and could do nothing but smile. _Years and years later and you still haven't gotten over him._

 _That's because you never got to explain why you did it all. You need to explain that and maybe, just maybe, you can move on. It's time to be honest to him, and to yourself._

Kyoya took a deep breath, knowing that it might not be fair to reach out after all this time when the last thing he had done was tell him that it would be the last time he would talk to him. It had become ironic that he told him that his reason for leaving was that his friend was draining him and now it actually was draining him. There was no good explanation for why he had too do write to Tamaki. Part of him thought that maybe it was to explain why he did what he had done so that his half motives were out there. Another part of him thought that maybe it was so that he could alleviate some of the guilt he felt for hurting his friend, but these weren't it at all. He wanted to do this because he couldn't deal with missing his friend any longer. It was too much, and fifteen years of sadness had soured his soul thoroughly.

He stood and began pacing the length of his office, trying to think of what he would say in a letter. His wording would have to be exact and sincere. If he wasn't careful, it might seem insulting and that would make his efforts worthless.

 _Tamaki, I don't blame you if you don't want to hear from me._ That could work, but it couldn't be what he opened with.

 _Hey, long time. Sorry I didn't reach out earlier._ No, that could not be in there at all.

 _Tamaki, it was never you, it was me. I was too deeply and emotionally involved in our relationship that I ran like a little bitch because those emotions were weird and confusing and not something that I could ever act on and I would rather be without you than to long after something that I can't have._ Absolutely not. That was far too honest and probably wouldn't help to heal the friendship, not to mention it was one hell of a run on sentence.

He would have to think of something genuine, and show that he cared still, but couldn't be too odd about it. The last thing he wanted to do was scare his former friend away. It was bad enough that he would be bringing up events from years before, he didn't want to make it awkward. He also couldn't be creepy. There was no way that he could reach out and say, "Hey, I saw you in the paper. You and your family are looking good." Way too creepy.

Sitting back down, he reached for a pen and began to compose his heartfelt letter, hoping that it would be well received about someone that he still cared for so much.

 _Tamaki,_

 _I hope the years have been good to you..._

A few weeks had passed, and there had been no response to his letter. He worried that maybe it had never reached its destination. If that was the case, then his words may have been written in vein, never to be seen by the eyes he had intended them to see. Well, not completely in vein because at least he was able to get his partial reasoning out there. Or the worse case senario, maybe Tamaki just had gotten it and just didn't care about his words at all. The thought of that ripped at his heart, making his chest tight.

Those few weeks had been loaded with anxiety, wondering about every outcome that could have come to light. He tried to put himself in Tamaki's shoes, wondering how he would respond after all these years to a letter out of the blue. If he was to be perfectly honest with himself, he would have a lot of mixed emotions. While he would be elated to finally hear from his friend again, he would probably be in a world of pain. His heart would break and swell at the same time just knowing that after all these years he was still someone that was thought about. But, he was still mildly bias with his feelings.

He was pacing again, this time in circles at his home. It was nerve racking to do nothing but wonder and hope that his feelings had meant anything to someone else. _At least you hadn't put it all on the line_ , he thought to himself, bitterly laughing at his own pathetic emotions.

Kyoya knew that there was no point in worrying about things that could or could not have happened. The letter was sent, and it was out of his control. One thing that he had learned at a young age was that he didn't like when anything was out of his control. It made him feel uncomfortable and unsafe not having control over everything. No control meant that he couldn't make plans on how to deal with all of the possible outcomes.

His mind was racing. All he knew was that he had to talk to Tamaki, no matter what. He knew that the had to be some way to make sure he was heard. A letter was pathetic. Deep down, he knew that he would have to talk to his former friend in person. The only problem was that he didn't know how to get him to meet up with him.

 _Maybe I can ask for help. There has to be someone that I can reach out to that would help me talk to him._

He thought through all of his friends who he hadn't spoken to in more than fifteen years. After all, his actions had caused him to ignore all of them as well. Each of them were owed an apology as well. They would have just as little reason to talk to him as Tamaki would, probably even less honestly because they never got a goodbye from him. All they got was his disappearance.

 _There is one person that you could write to that would probably reply to you. One person that was always willing to help others. Someone that was willing to help others simply because it would make them feel better._

He picked up his pen and steadied his hand. Shaking harder than when he had when writing his letter to Tamaki, he wrote a simple "help me" note to Haruhi, the person that was still the closest to his former friend. If anyone would listen to his reasoning, even just for five minutes

No more than another week had passed when his phone rang, and a number he didn't recognize was showing on his phone.

 _Apparently she got my letter_ , he thought as he answered the call.


	5. Chapter 5 - Always Darkest Before Dawn

Kyoya sat quietly at the table set for two, checking his phone every few minutes to see if time was moving at all. _12:30. I'm early._

He anxiously waited in the restaurant that Haruhi had chosen for their meeting. Words would not be able to explain how grateful he was for her to be willing to meet with him. She had been excruciatingly specific with the time that he needed to be there causing him to be there excessively early. Part of him had wanted to wait for her outside, but he wanted to give her a chance to walk away if she honestly didn't want to talk to him. If he had waited outside she might have felt obligated to go in with him. Instead, he got a table inside so that if she didn't show up he would look as pathetic as he felt eating alone.

Rain was falling from the grey sky steadily, hitting the pavement outside in a rhythmic pattern. He began to lose himself in the sound like he would with the waves, thinking about what he should say. The goal was to get her to agree to help him meet with Tamaki. He owed that to his former friend, even if Tamaki didn't want to talk to him. _This is what you should have done in the first place. Instead, you acted like a selfish wimp and ran away using some stupid excuse._

 _You're still acting selfish though. You said your words to Tamaki, and he deserves the right to not talk to you. You literally said that it would be the last thing you would say to him. All you're going to do is prove that every action you do is for no one but yourself._

He was lost in his thoughts, trying to figure out again the right words to use. Haruhi needed to hear a version of the truth. He would have to be more honest with her than he had ever been with himself. If he wanted her to help, she would have to feel deep down how sincere he was for hurting him. The only issue was that he didn't want to leave her knowing how he honestly felt about her husband. _Her husband, get that through your head right now._

He checked his phone again. It was just about 12:45. The moment of truth was almost upon him and his stomach was in his throat. Nervously, he looked around in an attempt to see if she had arrived yet. The restaurant was busy with their lunch rush, leaving very few tables empty. People were talking loudly, laughter in the air. A wave of nausea took him as the realization that their table would be the only one not filled with enjoyment.

He found her finally, but not where he thought she would be. She was standing in the rain out front, tucked under the awning of the restaurant. It was raining heavier than before and from her stance she was agitated. She was doing well in avoiding the pelting water for the moment. He found it odd that she was just standing there until he realized that she had no idea that he was already in the restaurant.

For about the hundredth time he pulled his phone out, but this time was to send her a text. _It's raining out there. Why don't you come inside and sit with me where its warm and dry?_

He smiled, hoping that she would appreciate him not making her stay out in the rain, but by the look of it it was anything but that. She turned and looked directly at him, glaring with such a fiery hate that he felt himself recoil. It wasn't a look that he had ever seen on her face, which he was studying as she walked towards him.

She was still as beautiful as she had been when they were younger. Her hair was still short, though in a more feminine cut now. Her wide eyes hadn't changed in the least bit, and he could only imagine that, when she was in a better mood, they still retained the kindness that she had always had. Right now, however, he felt like he was a small child that was about to be scolded for breaking a window. _Or breaking someone that she loves._

Taking a deep breath he rose to meet her as she approached the table as a sign of respect. She barely acknowledged him as she approached, at least not in a friendly way. When she came close enough to him, Haruhi shook the water that was on her coat all over him. _I suppose I may deserve that after all of these years..._

Slowly she took a seat across from him. As minutes passes the tension rose between them. He didn't know what to really say to her and it was clear by her body language that she had nothing kind to say to him, but was too kind to say the thoughts she was having. The tension at the table had risen to a point that even the waitstaff didn't want to even be near them. He knew that he had to say something to start a conversation, but didn't want to make it awkward.

"Hey Haruhi," he began, just trying to be polite and make conversion causal and failing completely, "how are you?"

She barely acknowledged that he spoke. All she did was glare, staring at the wall behind his head

 _Okay, that didn't quite work._ "Umm, your son is really handsome. How old is he now?"

Her eyes were now boring a hole through his skin and she was still silent. After years of silence, he wanted to talk; he needed to talk.

"Haruhi, can you say something, please?" His voice was now filled with desperation.

"Quit the small talk," she finally said, words dripping with an anger that he had never heard her use. "I don't care how you are. The only reason I came was to see what you wanted from me and to have the pleasure of saying no to it in person."

His heart broke at her words. It was shear agony to hear her be this angry. _She came, that's a start._ "Please don't say that. You haven't even heard what I have to say. Don't say you're going to say no until you know at least know why I asked you to come."

She was looking at him, not through him, for the first time since they had been sitting together. He was never good at reading emotions like she was. There was a mixture of anger still and maybe pity, but he couldn't be sure. For all he knew she was actually feeling nothing at all. Matters of emotions were not his forte, as he had proven so many years before this particular moment.

It felt like an eternity that he sat looking at him. She didn't say a word while she looked, though her facial expression changed several times. Part of him wished more than anything that he knew what she was thinking. A larger part figured it was probably her thinking about how to dismember and hide a body, and he really didn't feel like knowing how good she was at that.

After what felt like hours of her silently staring at him, she sighed and said, "Fine, I'll humor you for a bit. Tell me what you think I should know"

Taking a deep breath, he dove into the story, right from where it started.

"You have to understand, that while I can be great with finances, I am not the best with emotional matters. Do you remember that time that I was left at the mall with you? I was blunt. I really don't know how to relate to people in more that an acting way. With woman it was always easy because the more they couldn't have me emotionally, the more they wanted me.

"That last day at Ouran, I was terrified. I knew we were going our separate ways, and I knew that things would never be the same. I figured it would be easier to just go our separate ways then instead of waiting for it to happen excruciatingly slow. It would have been so painful for me to lose Tamaki slowly. I knew he would be okay because he was going to have you and it was so clear that you were never going to leave him.

"After that I ran. I ran from the rest of the Host Club. I ran from my normal life. I hid at one of my families homes and didn't talk to anyone. I avoided my siblings. It was just so hard to deal with what I was feeling. I was lost and just trying to figure it all out, and in pain which was all something that I had brought onto myself."

She was looking at him intently. He was doing a good job leaving the key reasons for leaving out, and could only hope that she didn't notice it.

He babbled to her for a while, and she sat there silent, allowing him to get everything he wanted to say out. It wasn't until the words were leaving his lips that he had realized just how much he had been keeping held within him. Once it began to come out, he wasn't able to stop. Each word brought a new lightness to him that he didn't know was possible.

"Haruhi," he said, out of breath and throat a bit sore, "I am sorry for everything that has happened. I know that it all had its effects on you, but I knew that you were going to be there for him no matter what happened. Just understand, I really didn't think..."

"Obviously you didn't think," she cut in, clearly angry. "Everything you do is about you, and it always has been. Do you know how hard it was to try and tell Tamika that it was all okay and that there must be other reasons, while being pissed? Years, it took years for him to start to move on about losing you."

Her words dug into him deeply, "Please, Haruhi..."

"No! You got your chance to speak, now I get mine. You didn't just walk away from Tamaki, you walked away from me too. We were all suppose to be friends, yet you cut us out. I understand that things happened in life, and that it was hard on you, but maybe it would have been easier if, I don't know, YOU HAD YOUR DAMN FRIENDS BY YOUR SIDE!"

He had to look away, unable to take the rage that her eyes had directed towards him. For the first time he realized that his actions had really hurt her as well. Over the years, he had been the mnost preoccupied with his feelings towards Tamaki that he didn't even understand how hurt the others would have been with his leaving. Her screams were directed at him, and he knew he deserved every second of it.

"You're right," he said, head down with his shame, "you really are. It's just, I don't know I guess I got scared of, things."

"'Scared of things', huh? We are ALL scared of things, but we have to deal with them. What you did was run like a coward."

"I know, and I really am sorry."

"What do you want, Kyoya? I know you didn't call me here to just apologize and give me your sob story. Get to the point already so I can say no."

 _Just ask you damn coward!_ "Can you get Tamaki to talk to me? I need to apologize to him in person. Can you help me with that?"

"You're kidding, right? After what you did? No, my answer is no."

Kyoya could do nothing more than just sit and watch her walk away. He couldn't blame her for the response that she had. It was always going to be a long shot asking her to do this, but he also knew that he had to ask, and that he was not going to give up there.

He tossed money on the table, knowing that it was well more than the two drinks they had consumed. It was more like the money that was left was an apology to the entire restaurant for the scene that was just made. Kyoya thanked the host at the front and raced out onto the street to try and catch up with Haruhi.

Rain immediately soaked him, making his clothes heavy and water streaming down his face from the hair that was now in his eyes. None of this mattered though, not when he needed Haruhi to understand just how sorry he was. He refused to take no as an answer this time, not after everything he had done.

Kyoya looked around and found that she hadn't made it very far. "Haruhi," he said trying to get her attention, "can you please stop?"

She stopped and turned to face him, rage still etched into her face. "I thought you, of all people, would recognize what it meant to see someone walk away. It's something you've seen, or at least done, before."

"There has to be something I can do to at least make you consider helping me. Anything. Just name it"

"You can try burning in hell. Let's start there."

"Come on. Please?"

He was pleading, plain and simple. She was the only hope he had. If she walked away from him completely it was over. There was no other option when she left. He would never get to speak to his friend again. Kyoya knew that he needed her, and this was it.

"Lets say I was willing to help," she began, and he felt hope begin to welled up within him, "what could I do? Honestly, do you expect me to magically make him willing to talk to you?"

"I was thinking that we don't let him know that meeting me is the plan. It could just be a chance that we run into each other somewhere. Maybe you go for a walk, and I could maybe see you in passing? I'm sure there's something."

Against all odd, her face softened. He was shocked; Haruhi was going to help him. She didn't look happy, but she was still giving him a chance. "No, that would never pass, but I think that I have something that would. He's going to be so mad at me though..."


	6. Chapter 6 - Actions, Not Words

Kyoya was leaning against a tree, trying to looking causal as he attempted to hide the fact that he panicking on the inside. A warm air was blowing gently, making the leaves on the tree dance slowly. This was it; the day he had been waiting for. He would be texting Haruhi at some point to confirm their plans. He knew that he shouldn't be doing this, but that wasn't going to stop him. Even if Tamaki wouldn't forgive him, he wanted to hear his voice one last time.

He wasn't sure what he should expect from this meeting. Tamaki would probably be pissed at him, yet he wasn't able to worry about that. Kyoya was more worried about how he would feel towards his wife after this. Haruhi had seemed so hesitant to continue with her own plan, clearly worried about how her husband would react. It was making him second think the entire operation that they were about to undertake just for her sake. She was being so helpful despite her better judgment. It had been her that called everyone to Karuizawa for a vacation together. It was a place where they could all be at the same time do to their families homes.

For the past few weeks, despite both of their reservations about this plan, Kyoya couldn't help but become giddier and giddier with every conversation he had with Haruhi. He was feeling sixteen again, full of hope and happiness. It was almost as though the last fifteen years had just been a bad dream and now he was standing at Ouran Academy waiting for his friends to come so they could go and have an adventure together.

The sound of laughter could be heard in the distance. People were out doing their shopping on the warm day, picking up their knickknacks that they would bring home for their friends and loved ones, blissfully unaware of everything around them. If he listened hard enough, he thought be could hear his friends out there laughing as well. It made him smile, knowing that soon he could be back with them, laughing as well.

 _That's assuming that Tamaki will even forgive you, or them for that matter. You decided that you didn't want them there. Why should they ever talk to you? Would you even talk to you?_

 _No, I probably wouldn't talk to myself_ , he answered himself. _I was an ass to do that to people that I cared so much about. If only I had been able to understand my feelings then. I would have rather dealt with unrequited love than to lose them all. I deserve it if they wont talk to me._

He started to wonder what everyone was talking about. Even though time had passed, Haruhi had made it clear that the rest of the Host Club had stayed in contact with each other, and that he was the exception. She had told him that even though they didn't talk daily, they did still talk and see each other when they could. This wasn't the first time they had gone on a vacation as a group, which was why she knew it wasn't going to be hard to get everyone together today. Every word she said was to make Kyoya regret his decision. Little did she know that there was no possible way that he could regret it any more than he already did.

Time was passing slowly as he waited to text Haruhi to find out what the next step of her plan was. She had told him to make sure he was close and to just be ready and let her know that he was there. He had been standing there, to build up the courage to text so that they could Kyoya wasn't sure which was making him more anxious though; worrying that she might not come, of that she would come. He wasn't sure what he should say to Tamaki, or what he could say, to make things better. It would mostly just him saying sorry over and over.

The anticipation was finally killing him. He had to do it now or he would lose his nerve, making all of Haruhi's hard work mean nothing, and that was something that he refused to do to her. With shaking hands he texted, _So what's the plan?_

He waited patiently for what felt like ten minutes without any response. Beginning to panic, he sent a second message, _Haruhi! What's going on? Please answer me._ It was only then that he saw that the messages were only sent a minute apart. _Why is time moving so sporadically?_

A moment later his phone was ringing, which he answered quickly to an agitated voice on the other side saying, "Dammit! Just calm down. I needed a minute to be able to get away from the table. I couldn't just call you from next to Tamaki, could I? No, because that would have been rude."

"I'm sorry, it's just that I'm worried about what is going to happen. Do you think that he will be angry with me?" He asked, genuinely wanting her opinion.

"I could care less if he's mad at you, honestly. Frankly, if he doesn't talk to you again I would stand behind it. You hurt him."

 _Ouch, I deserved that._ "I know, I know. You've brought it up every single time that I have spoken to you."

"Well, I just like to make sure it is completely and utterly clear to you. My husband will always come first to me."

"That's where he should have come with me too," he said gently under his breath.

"Where are you? This way I can bring Tamaki to you and you can have your little conversation."

"There's a little park a few blocks away from the restaurant that you're at. I'm kind of hiding in the shadows, chickening out."

"Don't you even dare! I put a lot of work into this and I will hunt you down if you run."

"I won't, I promise,"

"Yeah, cause your promises mean sooo much anymore," she said before hanging up.

She hung up on him and he dropped his head. _This is it. He will be here soon._ This was his time to panic. Kyoya began sweating with his heart beating through his chest, making his ribs hurt. There was no turning back for him. Within the next few minutes, Tamaki would be back in front of him, and the fate of their future would be at hand. No matter what happened, Kyoya would have to accept the results.

Then it happened. The familiar blonde head came around the corner of the building in slow motion with Haruhi, stopping as soon as he saw him. _Play it cool! Play it Cool! Don't act like your going to puke. Act aloof! Act cool!_

He looked away at the sky, hoping that he would be able to calm his nerves just a little more before his former friend could make it to him. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Haruhi standing still and Tamaki walking towards him. _Whatever you do, don't make it awkward._

"Hey buddy," he said, hesitation in his words. _Way to not make it awkward you bumbling dumbass._

Kyoya was standing there, watching Tamaki's expression for any clue as to what he might be feeling, but he didn't have to wonder long.

"HEY BUDDY!" he screamed, "THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO START WITH?"

He pulled back, knowing that he deserved the anger, but hoping that it wouldn't come. "Did you get my letter?" he asked timidly.

"Yeah, I got it" Tamaki replied, a bitterness in his sharp, short words.

"I tried to explain everything in there. I just didn't know what to say, and I still don't. I'm sorry Tamaki." _Ugh, that's the best you could come up with?_

"You're sorry? YOU'RE SORRY! FIFTEEN YEARS AND ALL YOU CAN SAY ABOUT EVERYTHING IS 'I'M SORRY'?"

Kyoya looked down of the ground. The conversation was going about as well as he was expecting. He thought that after all these years, he would feel better to be able to tell Tamaki everything that he felt, but he was wrong. As much as he wanted to talk to Tamaki, Tamaki deserved the chance get his emotions out. It was clear to him now. _This isn't about what I need to say to Tamaki, it's what he needs to say to me. If he's been thinking about it at all, he should have his chance to yell at me._

"You walked away. We were going through one of the biggest changes in our lives, and left. You gave me no real reason. All you said was that I was a drain on you. I didn't even get an explanation of what that meant. Your words plagued me for years, eating away at any trust I had developed for anyone. Haruhi had to sit there and try to convince me that not everyone would walk away from me, and all you can say is that you're sorry? You can take your shitty apology and shove it back up your ass where it came from."

"Tamaki, I understand that you're angry..." he tried to say, but Tamaki wasn't done yelling at him yet.

"Angry doesn't even begin to cover what I am feeling. You will never understand this feeling. You made me feel like there was something wrong with me. I sat for hours, days even, wondering what I did wrong and what I could have done differently. I was broken, shattered into a million pieces that I have spent years putting back together. Tape and glue was holding my fragile pieces together for so long. I don't even remember when I became whole again, but I'm not letting you ruin that. You had no right, none whatsoever, to reach out to me.

"Now here we are, and you want to explain more? I burnt that letter you sent me. I got to watch your sad excuse go up in flames. It felt wonderful, but you want to explain more? Go right ahead. Give me more empty words."

 _Tell him the truth!_ "It was never anything with you Tamaki, even though I made it seem that way. You were never what was wrong. I know I gave a terrible excuse, and at the time I thought what I was doing was for the best. It was better for you, and easier for me to...well it's hard to explain what I felt."

Kyoya could feel himself beginning to flush. Years later and his crush still wasn't fully gone. _It doesn't matter what you feel, make sure Tamaki is happy._

"Is there anything I could do to make you forgive me Tamaki?" he said meekly.

"Maybe if I could trust you and your empty words I could come to forgive you, but I don't think I could ever trust what you say again. You ruined that when you walked away, breaking every promise you had ever made."

"How can I get you to trust me again? I'll do anything for that to happen. I just want you to be back in my life. I regretted what I did the moment I walked away, but I couldn't just go back after what I did. Please, what can I do to show you that I am sorry?"

Even as he said the words, he knew that he had meant them. There was nothing he wouldn't do to make up for his stupidity to the man that stood in front of him. He would walk across the oceans and swim across land if that's what he asked for.

Tamaki looked a little less angry now. He was clearly thinking about what Kyoya had asked of him. He was now waiting on baited breath for a potential answer. It could be anything from a "no" to "you doing this is enough."

"Tamaki?" he asked after a moment.

"You want me to trust you again? Only time will make that happen. Stay, and given enough time, maybe then I can forgive you."

With that, Tamaki waked away from Kyoya, bringing Haruhi with him and disappearing out of sight around the corner. He sat there for a moment, rocking back and forth on his heals, wondering if Tamaki had meant what he said. Blowing the breath that he had been holding in his, Kyoya moved his right foot forward.


	7. Epilogue

Kyoya sat on his front porch watching his grandchildren play, smiling as they laughed. They were playing tag and chasing each other around. Periodically they would call out to him to watch what they were doing. He adored each of them as much as they adored him. Every time they would make a visit to him made him feel young again, though he was far from young now. His mind would wander while he would back to his own youthful exuberance.

It had been more than forty years since he had reconciled with friends, though his relationships with each of them had never recovered fully. He would go out to dinner with them occasionally, and go on the periodic vacation, but as each former member of the Host Club became more involved with their families, the less and less they talked. They were happy with significant others and children, and he had neither, almost making him resentful.

Eventually he met a sweet, younger woman from the United States that was working abroad in Japan. She was kind and caring, and he had grown to love her. While they had been seeing each other in Japan, he had purchased several holdings in the States giving him a reason to be there. When she was about to leave the country to go home, Kyoya asked if he could travel with her and continue to see her there. He was ready for the change and to leave his old life and emotions behind.

After a year they were married and she was pregnant with the first of their three children. They bought a modest home in a quiet neighborhood with everything but the white picket fence. He stayed in contact with his friends back home despite the distance, and made it a point to see them whenever he was visiting his siblings. Each time felt a little more like their friendship was returning to normal and made him feel more welcome. It seemed to be a case of distance making the heart grow fond.

As he sat there, lost in thought, the mailman came up the walkway with only a single in hand for delivery. Kyoya took it with a simple thank you and looked down at it. It was addressed just to him, with a return name and address belonging to the Suoh's. _How long has it been since I spoke to them last? Six, maybe seven months?_ It didn't matter either way; it wasn't like them to reach out with an actual hand written letter. Normally it was emails or phone calls.

Worried, he opened it quickly to see Haruhi's writing.

 _Dear Kyoya,_

 _I didn't know the best way to reach out to you. A phone call felt wrong, and and email would have been completely inappropriate. I wish I could do this in person though, but I can't leave right now._

 _Tamaki passed away in his peacefully in his sleep a few days back. It came to a shock to our family, as I am sure it is coming to you now. I am so sorry to not have a better way to tell you this._

 _They told me this letter would reach you within that few days. I knew that you would want to pay your respects if you are in good health. I know that Tamaki would have wanted you to come and say your farewell's._

 _He never talked about it, but he was so grateful to have you back in his life. Despite you two not being back to your original closeness, he loved you still. Whenever he knew that you were coming, he would grow so much happier. I'm not even sure if he realized he did it. He always was terrible with emotions. All I know for sure is that he cared for you deeply, and never stopped, even when you weren't a part of his life._

 _I feel that now, after all these years, I have a confession to make to you. Despite the pain that Tamaki had been in when you walked away, I was almost thankful. There were times that I was jealous of the relationship that you two had, as foolish as that may sound. You both were just friends, yet I felt like both of you had a love that was deeper than I could have ever had with him. I never would have admitted this to anyone originally, but I thought I owed this to you, and to his memory._

 _I really do hope that you will come. I would love to see you, and could use your support._

 _Love always,_

 _~Haruhi_

Kyoya sat in shock, trying to process the words in the letter to him. A hollow feeling was sitting in the pit of his stomach. Tamaki was gone. He would never have a chance to hear his voice again, or see his smile. Everyone passes at some point, but he never would have expected to feel this much loss, not again.

His eyes trained onto one part of the letter. _He cared for you deeply, and never stopped_. Kyoya's heart swelled at this, joy and pain filling it. There would never be a chance for him to tell Tamaki that he never stopped loving him, years after he married. A part of his heart always belonged to him. It had taken a long time for him to come to realize that it was okay to love two people the way that he did, but it made him feel more at ease when he did.

"Papa," his youngest grandson said, making him jump, "what's wrong?"

Kyoya looked at him and reached up to his eye. He hadn't even realized that he was silently crying. "Nothing, it's nothing. Hey, how about your Papa tells you a story? Would you like that?"

His grandson's eyes lit up. He tended to love Kyoya's stories the best. "Yeah! What's this one about?"

"This story is about not walking away from the people you care about just because you're scared."

Kyoya pulled him into his lap, getting him comfortable for story time. He would never be able to tell Tamaki how he felt, but he would make damn sure that his grandchildren didn't make the same mistake.

* * *

Thank you to everyone who read these stories and sticking with them. I hope that they were enjoyable and potentially relatable to some. Again, thank you for the support 3


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